Hesitant to confront her hostility and mood swings, they feared doing so would damage her self-esteem.  After examining their assumptions and demands, and careful thought and preparation, they warmly but resolutely insisted that she do all her schoolwork nightly and put her life in order.  Moreover they told her that they were going to see to it that she changed by tracking her carefully.

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Parents of children who are talented but not fully achieving face a number of dilemmas.  How can they insist on high performance without pressuring or alienating the child?  How can they encourage and motivate, without creating increased resistance?

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The simple truth today is that adolescents more than ever need firm leadership. Children need adults they respect and trust—adults who speak up and step in.

You cannot provide leadership if you are reactive and constantly responding to crises. When you react, your child has taken the lead and you are following, and your child, someone with little life experience and precious little wisdom, winds up calling the shots.  In crucial areas, you, as parent, need to be the shot-caller.

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At the beginning of each new quarter, Daniel, 13, gifted and talented, vowed to do better in school. A burst of initiative followed, lasting as long as three weeks . Then he would miss an assignment or two, and stop working.

If his parents intervened, Daniel complained that they hassled him and made things worse. For a while past good starts had lulled his parents into thinking that they should back off.  Not any longer.

Daniel had settled into a style of persistently performing below his potential at school. This style affected schoolwork first then spread to hobbies, sports and other interests.

Making changes

To prevent this pattern, or change it once it has started, parents must do two things:

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